Finding Yourself
DEAR READERS,
OLA!
The last year had been quite a year for me.Since, childhood I had known about the teenagers and young adults who really got anxious as to who they were.Growing up I never thought that I would be one of them. I was one of those very few people whom god had gifted with a mature soul.So, I never thought that finding myself would be one of my problems, but as I grew up , I was a victim of the thought of my existence.I used to feel that I am the only one who doesn't know what am I doing.The particular group of students, I like to call the "ALL ROUNDERS", really had everything figured out.At least that is what I thought. Now, let me explain who exactly are the all rounders.These are the perfect students, they are excellent in academics, sports, co-curricular,they win trophies for the school,etc. These are the students whom all the teachers absolutely love.I do not have any grudge or feeling of envy against them it is just that their presence sometimes can make you feel like a insignificant, who has no purpose on the earth. It is not their fault ,but it is just the way it is.Anyway, with the course of time I started doing stuff they did. Then one day I couldn't help but see myself as a person who is useless.I started to feel that I am a person who has only given sadness to everyone.I felt like I owed everyone who has ever helped me. This is where the good quality "selflessness " actually became my destroyer. Every time I did something for myself I ended up feeling guilty for it, hitting myself and torturing myself mentally.It was a period where I did not want to speak to my family. I just put on a mask of happiness in the school,so that I am not isolated by others.During the period of one year I had had two major breakdowns and many smaller ones too.Everyone was trying to help me, but how could they when they didn't know why I was behaving like this. Then half way through this year I couldn't take it anymore. Slowly but surely I started opening myself a little at a time.With time I have healed a little bit and still continuing. I cannot say that I have entirely solved the puzzle of finding myself or figuring out my existence,yet I have grown in the most unlikely way. I told you my story just because if anyone out there who wants to know who they are will at least know they were not the first one going on this mental adventure. In the end, I would say or more specifically quote my thoughts,"FINDING YOURSELF IS NOT KNOWING THE THINGS YOU LIKE,YOU WANT OR YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT BECOMING LIKE SOMEONE WHO YOU THINK HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT. FINDING YOURSELF IS MORE ABOUT KNOWING THAT YOU ARE NOT USELESS . YOU WERE NOT SENT ON THE EARTH FOR NOTHING.GOD DID NOT SEND YOU HERE WITHOUT A PURPOSE. WE NEED NOT KNOW THE PURPOSE NOW OR WE MIGHT NOT KNOW IT TILL THE END,BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE IT. BELIEVE IS A EXTREMELY STRONG EMOTION ON WHICH YOUR LIFE DEPENDS . BELIEVING ,MY FRIENDS, IS THE KEY TO FINDING YOURSELF. BELIEVE IN G(O)OD , BELIEVE IN LIFE ,BUT MOST OF ALL BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES !"
LOVE<3,
TRISIM
