Why write?

I am a writer and an editor. I have been writing since I was fourteen. I started writing because I felt lonely. I believed that my ideas and my opinions were different. But, the children in my school knew how to support their opinions with facts and statistics. I wasn't one of them. When I put across my opinion and was asked to defend it in a debate, I found myself weak.

So, I turned to writing. The pages of my diary never questioned me. They never asked for a proof to back up my speech and opinions. The pages of my diary taught me a lesson. Everyone wants to be heard, but none is willing to hear. I poured my soul every time I wrote. When I penned my feelings, I became more secure about them. I fell in love with myself. I gained confidence.

Soon I started my blog, Life of Homo Sapiens. I wasn't very consistent at posting blogs, but whenever I wrote I made sure to write something which had a meaning to it. Each and every piece I have written to date has always had a part of me. My values, my beliefs, my anecdotes, my wishes, and of course my truth. When I was published as a co-author in Inkfeathers's Postbox, I wrote an open letter to the world. In that letter, I explained how "fandoms" have become a part of life.

I was 16 when I wrote the piece. I used to be obsessed with a music boy band then. For some reason, they helped me feel good about who I was. Their fan community accepted me and loved me like I was their family. In confusion of growing up and hormonal imbalance, I found peace and calm because of my love for that boy band. You see, like I said, I write to express myself. I write to showcase the love I have for myself and my ideas.

During the pandemic, I was breaking everyday. The uncertainty around me would bother me to no end. The only thing that kept my sanity was my work as an editor and a compiler. The theme for my book, The Forgotten Sagas, was historical and mythological fiction. It wasn't an easy road. I stayed up till four in the mornings discussing the write ups with my writers. Fortunately for me, I managed to get an amazing set of writers. Compiling a 250+ pages manuscript, editing and proofreading a thousand times to deliver the perfect result, everything was difficult. Yet I felt like giving it my best.

As a child, I had always imagined working in the historical and cultural sector. I have never been able to work towards that dream my younger self had dared to dream off. This book is a small token of appreciation to that younger self. A token, which asks her to believe that her dreams have taken off and soon she will reach the destination she dreamed off. Till then, I will keep writing to find my peace, achieve my goals and find my path.

Welcome Back!

It's been a long time since I have felt this way. Powerful and unique in a way. It's no doubt that I have always been a bit in love with myself. A narcissist, I am not. (Yes I have been watching the British Television Show - Sherlock. British English is an absolute delight to hear let alone the accent. Anyway back to the point.) 

Yes, I love the way I am. I am different. When it comes to work at least, I am different. Traditional methods of knowledge gaining fail me. Maybe because its been 75 years since the Britishers left India but we didn't bother to reform our wonderful education system meant for training memory and not education. Nevertheless, I have missed myself. In 12th standard, I worked and worked. There was something about exhausting my brain with all the pretty notes and continuous study. In Hindsight, made me feel important. It must have. At that point however I was only doing it to do well in 12th board exams. We all know what a disappointment 12th exams were for me. And then engineering happened. I am not quite sure if I should post this too. It's is true that people will take advantage of such weaknesses of yours. It might even hurt me but I am not afraid. 

Anyway the point is I am back. After nearly two years, I am back. I think I like the high of being exhausted. Especially when I am exhausted with study, of anything else. I must have been running away from it but studying is fun. And the girl who used to work every single minute of the day is back. She is. I had lost her during the start of engineering. Sure, engineering wasn't and isn't what I enjoy. It's quite bad. I still want to study literature, art, religion, political science and everything ancient. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy studying. For 6 to 5 months of my first semester, I broke down piece by piece. I am not ashamed, I love that I went through that. Next two semesters I just tried to pass and cope with the sullen face of a hurt soldier (Yes, I am comparing myself to a soldier. It's sarcasm for those who really thought that my behavior could be comparable to the noble ones of a soldier. Anyway)

Fourth Semester has been different. I have been making the most beautiful notes of all the time. They look as chaotic as it gets. I find them extremely pretty. Very Pretty. I love the chaos on the paper. Not an inch left without the blotch of ink or graphite and lead. I'll go further an confess that I might be a little showoff about them. But there has been a bit of my weakness. the only weakness that has always stopped from attaining my true potential or as some might say hard work. It's a beautiful thing, you know hard work. I am only just realizing. 

You see hard work is a amalgamation of persistence, resistance, dedication and extreme control. 

Hard work: A worthy quality to posses. 

I have always hated the word. I couldn't practice it ever. Not even if my life depended on it. But I am learning. Engineering is teaching me. It is. It's been too long since this I have met this Trisha. A bit crazy, high on life, in love with herself. I used to thrive on chaos. I found the order of my chaos.

 My kind of organisation: Chaos. 

Every level of chaos has an order. The secret to dealing with chaos is to not constrain it but to allow it to control you. Universe has always been referred to as the chaotic force, hasn't it? So in a way, you are letting the universe lead you. That's what I have learnt. I shouldn't doubt what is happening. I should challenge it of course, fight with it but the universe I believe is my friend. The dearest one of them all. I have learnt to trust it. Because when, I started trusting my friend, it returned myself to me. 

Organisation makes me feel trapped. No matter how much I tried it, the worst it become. Chaos is fun. It allows me to deal with everything. In the movie "Parasite", there was an ever so wonderful dialogue that went along the lines that if there is no plan then there is no way to fail. I disagree of course. It always takes a plan to achieve something, but it's when this plan fails that you are tested as a person. My planned failed. And I succumbed to my own prejudices of what a person should be, or to be more specific what I should be. Anyway the point of this all is that, Look who I have found. The Trisha that thrives on chaos and lives on a high of extreme mind stimulation. I found her. She loves being occupied with work, although she has denied it all the while. 

But, above anything I have a promise to make to this returned Trisha. I am not losing her before I teach her the very essence of hard work. She will learn how to be persistent in efforts. She is going to learn how to block the noise. She is going to learn how to focus. And she must most definitely learn to be patient. Of course when I write this down, my intentions are as vague as it can be. But those intentions of mine are for me to hear and not anyone's to be heard. My intention, though I assure you, go to the very depth of me in my metamorphosis stage, which of course is a name I oh so dearly would like to call my years of engineering form now on. 

Till next time, when I have something to say. Ciao.